It's common, unsure what you're actually supposed to do as the groom? We have the answers.
There are so many misconceptions when it comes to wedding planning - believe it or not, not every bride is hands-on, and not every mother-in-law has an opinion. Another busted myth, is that brides care more about the planning than grooms do, and end up bearing the brunt of the work. In fact, a lot of men care about the planning, and how to make the wedding special and unique, often they're just not asked or given the opportunity. So grooms, you should feel confident stepping up to the plate during the wedding planning process - you're in good company!
D U T I E S O F T H E G R O O M
Today's groom is different from years past, they're involved, present, and often planning alongside the bride. Grooms can take on just as many tasks as brides. From deciding on a venue, creating the guest list, to finalizing the budget, selecting the food, and much more! It's important as the groom to take responsibility for your side of the family when it comes to communication about the wedding, and/or navigating any unique family dynamics you may have. Of course, you have other responsibilities, like picking the attire you and your groomsmen will wear, your wedding band, gifts for your groomsmen... the list continues.
P R E - W E D D I N G D U T I E S
It's time to get planning, here's what you can do as a groom to help make the big day happen.
1. BE AN EQUAL PARTNER IN THE PLANNING PROCESS
Really, both people (bride and groom) are equally responsible for planning their wedding. It's often the first 'team' project of this magnitude, so it's completely normal to divide and conquer, but the key is active participation from both. It's your wedding day together, so you both should feel confident in giving your input about a venue, caterer, band, or any other vendor decision. Remember, it takes two to make a wedding happen, it's not a solo venture!
2. COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR SIDE OF THE FAMILY
One of the hardest parts of wedding planning is communicating with so many different family members. You should act as the representative for your side of the family, while your fiancé can act as the representative for their family. Note, if either side of the family is contributing financially, they do get a little more say in the planning decisions - especially if they're paying for something specific like the bar tab or rehearsal dinner. It's also important that you get the guest list from your side of the family organized, it will make the process feel less overwhelming when you both do you part.
3. PICK YOUR ATTIRE AND WEDDING BAND
Likely with the input of your bride/fiancé, decide what you want to wear, as well as your groomsmen. Before you decide on a suit or tux, and color, think about the overall style of your wedding and venue. In the end, whatever you end up wearing, it should feel authentic to you and your style. Also, don't forget to go ring shopping, but this time for yourself! Give your jeweler plenty of time to order the ring, and also give yourself some time to save up a little cash to buy it (if you need to).
4. BUY GROOMSMEN GIFTS
It's important to thank the men closest to you for being by your side on your wedding day (and all the days and events leading up to it). The options are endless - a few favorites are custom socks, cufflinks with their initials, and embroidered dopp kits. Make this one of the more fun tasks of planning.
R E S P O N S I B I L I T I E S O N T H E D A Y
It's wedding day, which means it's go time!
1. BE PUNCTUAL
There are many moving parts on the day of the wedding, that adhering to the timeline your wedding planner has created will help things run smoothly. Sure you're not in hair/makeup for hours, but you still have yourself, and a number of groomsmen that will need to get dressed, tie their tie, have their boutonniere pinned, and more. Not to mention, the pre-ceremony/getting ready photos. Be dressed, and ready by the time it says on the timeline. The quarterback wouldn't miss kick-off, treat your wedding day like you're the quarterback, and the ceremony is the big game.
2. MANAGE YOUR SIDE OF THE FAMILY
Let's keep it going with the sports comparison... you're the 'captain' of your family and friends. You might be required to put our some last minute fires with your family and/or friends. Did your mom and aunt get into a tiff? You don't want minor issues such as these to spill over into other parts of the day, so helping mitigate these issues as soon as they arrive will keep the day running smoothly.
3. GIVE OUT YOUR GROOMSMEN GIFTS
While you're getting ready, hand out your groomsmen gifts, or have them already set up as your groomsmen arrive day-of to get ready.
4. ENJOY YOURSELF
It's been months, maybe years of planning, and the day is finally here - soak up EVERY moment. Take the time to really admire your spouse, and let it sink in that you're surrounded by all the people you love. Take a minute to walk away from the reception with your now-spouse and soak in that special moment. After all, your wedding is just one day of your life, so you might as well enjoy it!
P O S T - W E D D I N G D U T I E S
The game isn't over just yet, as a groom you still have a few more loose ends to tie up.
1. DON'T FORGET YOUR BELONGINGS
It's no one else's responsibility, but YOURS to make sure the groom's quarters at the venue or hotel where you and your groomsmen got ready are cleaned. Tip, do this BEFORE the ceremony even starts... ask all your groomsmen to gather their belongings and load in their vehicle or move to their room, and same for you.
2. RETURN CLOTHING
If you rented your suit/tux, you'll want to make sure you return it ASAP to avoid any late fees. If you're jetting off on your honeymoon, and have no way of returning it on time, ask your best man if he can return it when he returns his.
3. WRITE THANK YOU NOTES
It's a kind gesture, be sure to write thank-you notes to your friends and family members on your side of the family for any cash and/or registry items you were given. The sooner after the wedding, the better.